Vampire Survival Guide (NOT DONE)

The Vampire Survival Guide

Vampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the twenty-first century. Vampires have walked among us for thousands of years. These reanimated corpses survive by draining and consuming the blood of the living, and their threat to humanity cannot be ignored. Throughout the centuries, professors and peasants have offered their own vampire-fighting tips, but these were often old wives' tales, based more on superstition than on fact. Here, for the first time, is a comprehensive vampire-fighting guide for the twenty-first century.

PART 1: Survival Techniques
How are you supposed to kill a vampire? What should you do in an attack? How do you protect yourself? All of these will be answered in this part

i) How to Kill a Vampire:
The first question that comes to mind when you think of Vampires is how do you kill it? Well with a cross and sunlight, right? Wrong! This is continuously is proven as false. First, vampires can not be destroyed with sunlight because they are Human! And second, crosses can kill a vampire as easily as killing a human with a cross. The old garlic story that is also false. Think of the most famous vampire in the word, and Dracula comes to mind. Before Dracula was a vampire he was a human with very sun-bleached skin, you see Dracula’s skin was so bleached even one ray of sun could seriously and permanently destroy his skin. And on top of that he was allergic to garlic, and remember this is as a human. So how do you kill a vampire? Well, how do you kill a human? By decapitating his head of course. If you fight a vampire that’s been around for even 9 months they’ve already sucked enough blood that if they cut open any major artery they could live for a whole other year! With that logic if you decapitate the head or destroy the brain you can kill it.

ii) Survival Weapons:
Weapons are something you need to choose wisely because the wrong weapons could kill you. Guns could be a good weapon, just don’t EVER use a gun around a mob of vampires, they have super human speed! What are the best weapons to use? There are a lot of weapons you could use and all require mastery of the weapon.
a) Bows:
A weapon that requires the shooter to have mastery of the weapon, and unfortunately must be used from long distances.
b) Grenades:
What is better than blowing the god-dang vampire into oblivion? Everything!!!! A side from the noise, the explosion will only kill ONE, and that’s if the vampires close to it! Distance of throwing is a big problem but not as big as becoming a vampire. If you get any vampire blood in your mouth not only are you risking disease but you will become a vampire. If you don’t believe me talk to David Smith. He killed a vampire by exploding it and got blood in his mouth 1 minute later he’s sucking humans dry. Fortunately, Buffy was there.
c) Tricks And Traps:
Remember in parody and comedy-horror movies how someone set a trap the bad guy steps into it and a piano falls on his head. Well it’s those tricks and traps that could help you or kill you. If there’s even one thing wrong with your trap it could end your life. For that reason and many more I would not use any tricks or traps.
d) Guns:
Probably not the best choice of weapon but still helpful. I would not even try to use a gun if you don’t have precision aim. Not enough people have even decent aim, and it isn’t worth the money to buy bullets for training. Besides that, guns get jammed, and only wound the vampire. If I were you I would completely discount guns altogether.
e): Stakes To The Heart
If you’re this close to a vampire then you are an idiot! If you think the vampire’s sleeping, chances are that you’re wrong. Stakes to the heart are effective but could kill you, or worse, you could be a vampire yourself

iii) Protection:
Protection from vampires is very important. Some people think as long as they have a scarf they’re home free. WRONG! The vampire could grab hold of your scarf and a) pull you closer, or b) unwrap it with its super human speed. Not only that but they don’t need to bite your neck, your arm or leg or even (if they have to) your nipple. Wearing chain mail helps but tires you quickly. Wearing any normal armour including modern military armour works.

with onions and wooden staf !!!

With a mudkip attack right bwteen the eyes.

Well that's easy. To kill a vampire you get him a missus. All men die after getting a missus, Vampire or not.

Fire! But I guess that's kind of a catch 22 for supernatural monsters